He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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