our cab driver is having phone sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
