I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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