For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just high enough for therapy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
These tits shall not be calmed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
