I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
