matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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