Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
