Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
