all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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