Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
