Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
