I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
