Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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