I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
