Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize