my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
