i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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