Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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