My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize