did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize