She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
