Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
