when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
