Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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