I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
