I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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