My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
