sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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