I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
