dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
