i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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