She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
