I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
