I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I stole a fireplace last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
