I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
