this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize