You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
