Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
