So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
