There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
