ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
