I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My ass is underappreciated
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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