her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
