im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
