i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
