You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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