At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to make out with him forever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
