Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize