Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
