Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
