I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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