Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did you just send me my own nude
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
