dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize