Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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