just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize