Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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