I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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