she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
