My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
