i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize