this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize