my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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