I'm lost and stupid without you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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