My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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