he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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