When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
