I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
