We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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