Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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