he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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