oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
